Look Outward, Look Inward

Think Kit, Day 14:

“By telescope or microscope, or no scope at all – what did you discover? A new aspect of yourself?”

I’ve kind of covered this topic a little bit before, but here I go again.

This year, I discovered… I don’t know how to date.

Until July, I was under the impression that dating was something that I just would never have to deal with again. Life has a funny way of throwing you curveballs.

So entering the dating world again…it’s scary. And I had, and still have, no clue what to expect.

I actually did go on a date the other day. I didn’t tell many people, frankly because I don’t think it’s everyone’s business. I mean, it was one date. If it turned into something, I’d tell people. But no one tells everyone they know every time they go on a date. (So yes, I realize it’s ironic that I’m discussing it now.)

And until I was barraged with a bunch of questions, I didn’t realize quite how out of touch I was with dating.

“How was it?” “Did you hug?” “Did you kiss?” “Do you like him?” “Do you have a second date scheduled?” “Have you talked since then?” *The next day* “How is [insert name here]?” *Another day later* “So, how’s [insert name here]?”

GAHHHHHHHHH.

I tried not to think too much about any of these things in depth, because I didn’t want to read too much into anything that happened or didn’t happen, that was said or wasn’t said. And I didn’t want to get my hopes up too much if it turns out he didn’t actually like me.

But the questions made me think. What is the norm for these things?

And then I had to Google. (Which, I should know by now, is always a mistake.) “How long should I wait for someone to call?” “How can you tell if someone likes you?” “Who should contact who after a first date?”

And this is when I discovered two things. One inward, one outward.

I suck at dating.

And dating sucks.

What I’d Change This Year

Think Kit, Day 12:

“We’ve put another quarter in the slot – free play! Hit the reset button on a moment this year: what would you do over? Whether or not you analyze your actions – how would you act differently? Would the outcomes shift, or stay the same? From a single sentence to a whole day (and everything in-between), feel free to explain your choice, from how you felt immediately after the moment passed, to any thoughts that ran through your mind beforehand. Take a mulligan!”

I know that being guarded is generally regarded as a bad thing. But I feel like I’d be a little more guarded this past year if I could change something.

I’m not saying I’d build up these huge walls to hide behind. I don’t want to be completely guarded. I just think some things would be easier if I wasn’t such an open book, emotion-wise.

Anyway, this song covers it pretty well.

“When you once, unafraid, wore your heart on your sleeve, and the ones that you love chose to just turn and leave, every day it gets harder to somehow believe you will survive, so you strive just to keep up your guard. ‘Cause it’s safer to hold every card.”

(Which, by the way, usually means that you hold zero cards.)

BONUS: This is Krysta Rodriguez, whose voice is one of the most incredible I’ve heard.

Put down your blog

Think Kit, Day 13:

“Put down your blog…And pick up a pen! Or pencil. Heck – we’d settle for a crayon.

You don’t have to stay in-between ruled lines, but we do want you to write something by hand. Sure, a letter comes to mind. But so does a recipe you discovered this year. A poem. A series of tweets that is a poem. A contract with yourself – or someone else. Whatever you get on paper – write it, then photograph & blog it. Cursive or manuscript, we promise not to grade on penmanship.”

I’ve been scribbling this for a few days now. It’s a proverb that I’ve been in love with in the past, and recently have fallen in love with again.

p3;5-6

When I’m struggling to see the bigger picture, to see what my purpose is in life, I just remember this. When I feel like I am failing, I remember this.

God will make His plan known to me, at some point. I just need to remember to be patient, and that I do have a purpose, even on days when it feels like I don’t.

This is my favorite quote from the Bible… Proverbs 3:5-6.

(Side note: It also makes it extremely clear how exactly I am a Hufflepuff. My favorite quote is about trusting, and Hufflepuffs are notorious for their trusting and loyal personalities.)

Lucky numbers?

Think Kit, Day 15:

“Time to get mathematical – and yes, you may use a calculator. Was there a significant number in your year? A birthday? A first? A personal record? A date now carved in the annals of time? A number that represents a streak, whether winning or losing, good or bad? A bellwether or a lagging indicator or just…three.”

I do believe that people have lucky numbers. I do not believe that I am one of those people.

I’ve known for a long time that 22 was NOT my lucky number.

This year, I can safely say I’ve added 7, 9, 12, 14, 26, and 2014 to that list.

(We can probably count out 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42 also….)

But I suppose there are a few significant numbers I’ve seen this year.

21: The number of pounds I’ve lost since July.

13: The number of pounds I’ve lost since Nov. 7.

3: The number of inches I’ve lost around my waist since Nov. 7.

And there’s another significant number that I don’t want to share. A weight number that I made it my immediate goal to beat. To finally be lower than. And I did it. And I’m still going. I don’t want to share that number just yet, because I’ve got so much further to go, but getting below that number made a significant impact on me.

Hello, I’m ________

Think Kit, Day 11:

“Nametags and punchbowls aren’t necessary (but we’re okay with that!) – who did you meet this year?”

Who did I meet in 2014?

I’m going to go with Melissa and Hannah. They were friends with one of my friends — technically, Melissa was friends with two of my friends. I originally met them during my friend Christy’s bachelorette party. We ate dinner then sat around for hours drinking and playing Cards Against Humanity.

I spent a lot more time with Hannah the day before and of Christy’s wedding. Hannah was Christy’s MOH, and I was a bridesmaid.

Recently, I was reunited with both Hannah and Melissa at another girls’ game night. They are just as much fun as I remember.

I’m glad I met these two fun ladies this year.

The Wackiest Thing I Heard This Year

Think Kit, Day 10:

“Time to get weird. We want to hear your strangest story from the last year (or more). Will it make us raise an eyebrow or three? That’s what we want. Whether it’s a tale of colliding coincidences, a strange Saturday you just can’t shake, or if it makes you squirm just to remember: get weird.”

It’s actually a good thing that I’m super behind on posting these, because when I originally received this prompt, I had no clue what to write about.

Until I heard this story yesterday.

Someone I know was telling me about a show he had seen while in New York City at Radio City Music Hall. I know that he saw a Martha Stewart Christmas show… but I can’t remember if the Martha Stewart show was the weird one, or whether it was another show… Anyway…

We all know the story of the origin of Christmas. The Virgin Mary gave birth to Jesus Christ, the Savior, in Christian history.

Christmas has since become a highly commercialized holiday, celebrated by Christians and non-Christians alike. Santa Claus, a jolly fat man in a red suit, comes down your chimney to give good boys and girls presents each year. If you were bad, you got coal. But no one forgets that the original Christmas story came from the (alleged, to some) birth of Christ.

Well, except for this show.

Apparently, this show also told the origin of Christmas. But instead of being about The Virgin Mary and her baby son, Jesus, guess who the baby was in this story?

That’s right. Santa Claus.

What I’m Looking Forward To In 2015

I like today’s Think Kit prompt:

“The calendar still says 2014, but let’s push forward. What are you looking forward to in 2015? Is there an event, special occasion, or reunion that you’re counting down the days until? Planning a trip? A life change? A move? Or maybe it’s the simple pleasures – the release of a movie, something or someone hitting a stage near you.”

There are a few things I’m really excited about in 2015. And then I realized when they were all happening. So I’m going to say that I’m looking forward to July.

First, there’s something really awesome happening in July that I can’t tell you all about yet. Sorry. It’s not my secret to tell. But I’m very excited about it.

Second…TAYLOR. SWIFT. My sister and I are going to see Taylor Swift in Chicago on July 19. I can’t wait. And as if I wasn’t excited enough, I found out that our good friends — our dads have been best friends since high school, so these girls are two people we’ve grown up with — are also going to the same concert. Marleys and Belakoviches take on Chicago. See? I’m so excited I already named it. “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22!” (Even though we’ll be 20, 21, 23 and 24…Skipping right over 22, ironically enough, but you get the point.)

Third, the college graduation present I’ve been promised is finally coming to fruition…I’m going to Vegas! I actually graduated in December 2012, so it’s only two-and-a-half years late. ;-)  (Just kidding, mom.) It’s going to be well worth the wait, though. My sister is actually going also, since she’ll turn 21 in April, as an early college graduation present. Now fingers crossed she actually graduates!

Now, fingers crossed Team Starkid decides to do another show or concert or something in July 2015 like they did this year…. Then it would literally be the perfect month.