My arms hurt. For as long as I can remember I’ve been doing the same thing.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
My hands fumble with the bottle, pouring shampoo into my hand. I raise my hands to my head.
My hands travel ferociously across my scalp. I tilt my head back, the cool water hitting me.
I pick up the bottle again.
I pour shampoo into my hand, and lift my hands to my head.
Why am I doing this?
My hands continue to move as my brain fights against the repetitive actions. As I tilt my head back into the stream of water once more.
And that’s when I notice them. The strings. Pulling my hands toward the bottle.
The grips on each finger forcing me to pour the shampoo into my hands. The strings then tugging my arms upward toward my hair.
The strap jerking my head backward to force my head into the water.
I’m stuck in a never-ending cycle of nonsense.
Am I sad? What do you want me to say? If I say no, I’ll look heartless. And it would be a lie.
But do I say yes? Saying yes brings on the pity. The “awwwww”s. The sad looks. And I don’t want that, either.
Am I sad? Am I sad that the two people I see more often than almost anyone else are moving 10 hours away? The people I spend the drive to work with, spend the work day talking to, and ride home from work with? The people who live right across the hall, who between work and living in the same place I see almost every single day? Who I have worked with for years between college and professional life? Who I pet sit for, and who pet sit for me? Who I’ve often hung out with, both going places or just ordering pizza and watching TV and movies? The people whose wedding I was just in two months ago?
Why would I be sad about that?
You know that person no one likes being around because she just complains all the time?
You’re starting to sound like her.
You’re so negative.
Switch places with me. I want to see anyone take this on with a positive attitude.
Because even the most positive people can’t. Trust me. I’ve seen it.